The voices which we hear in Solitude

These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Is fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed? Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following:

Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel?

Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?

Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?

Now Do. The Thing. You Fear.

(Author: Lachlan Cotter)

Fear. I fear my insecurity. I fear making mistakes. I fear looking weak. I fear failure. For years I felt unhappy. I struggled to find myself, to define myself. My unhappiness came from my lack of direction. I had too many people in my life telling me what I “should” be doing and how I “should” be living my life.

I still fear these things but not to extent I once did. The fear is no longer immobilizing. It is a healthy level of fear that keeps me feeling alive and keeps me on my toes.

I had previously feared making mistakes. I felt mistakes were a sign of weakness. If I made a mistake I had somehow failed. A goal I previously had was to avoid conflict at all costs. I feared conflict. Today I look forward to learning from the mistakes I make.

The other day at work I sent an email apologizing to a coworker for not making her aware of a change in a policy. I apologized for this mistake. Later that same day I would be visited by that coworker. She entered my office waving papers and raising her voice. She refused to accept the apology. I know her personality and it demands she be condescending and controlling. I heard her out and when she  began to loudly repeat herself I respectfully asked her to lower her voice. I asked her to speak to me in a respectful tone. She chose not to. I proudly asked her to leave my office. I say proudly because despite the economy and rising prices, I refuse to accept being treated in such a manner.

I am patiently waiting for the fallout. The story that will be spun will be different from mine and thus different from the truth. My fear rises ever so slightly but I remain in control. I no long react out of fear and make decisions which are based in my reaction. Instead I know approach such situations proactively and based in fact.

The insecurity I had defended for so many years achieved nothing other than to see me not achieve the successes I had hoped for. I never felt joy. Instead I walked around shrouded in anger which has been grounded in my fears.

Today I live a very different life. This life is one of joy and happiness. As I said earlier, fear remains but at levels which do not remotely come close to what I had become accustomed. Today I enjoy my life. I wake in the morning looking forward to my day. Each day is surely an opportunity to be joyful and I take advantage of those opportunities every day.

Namaste.

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