Change can be difficult

I don’t have a good relationship with food. I never have. I am a right-brained, creative, emotional individual who has used food to calm the savage beast. that’s a nice way to say I eat when I feel anxious. I recall as a child waiting for my parents to leave the house so I could grab the half-gallon of ice cream and a spoon. I waited a few minutes until the ice cream began to melt and then scrape it away from the sides of the container digging s trench around the perimeter. Then because I’m just a little OCD I needed to level it off. Of course I was always found out but by then it was too late. Don’t act like you’ve never done that. As a young boy I hated shopping for back to school clothes. I was a tad bit overweight. My clothing wore the label “husky” shouting it from the back pocket. That little tag, not noticeable to many with the exception of myself and those who bullied me. Pool class in middle school was a particularly difficult time for me. For reasons still unknown the boys were forced to swim naked. this allowed all of my “husky glory” to be exposed to all the world, or at least those in gym class.

 I have examined my relationship with food over the years and I continue to return to the same notion, I LOVE FOOD!
Nancy had her cholesterol checked last week. The doctor explained her “bad cholesterol was elevated.” Nancy, as she has a tendency to do rationalized this many different ways and convinced the doctor she had her blood tested “too soon after eating Thanksgiving dinner.” She reminded me multiple times she “put creamer in her coffee that morning.” This once very athletic wife of mine is also a smoker and has been in excess of thirty years. I tolerated this behavior because I love her. Many years ago I abandoned the tactic of telling her what a “gross, disgusting habit” this is because it never had a positive effect. It solicited only increased resistance and vehement denial.
Over the past week I noticed an absence of one of my favorite food groups, junk food. There were no cookies, no cream filled cake treats that make you feel so good as you’re stuffing them into your mouth. The bottom fell out when Nancy announced last night she was “not purchasing any chocolate this year!” My shrugging shoulders were my only response. When she heard no verbal response, she asked, “Did you hear me?” “I did” was my response.”No big deal.” I still had no idea what she was talking about. I asked and she reminded me about the boxes and boxes of chocolate she makes every year for the holidays. No turtles, no chocolate covered raisins, no mint cookies. My mouth immediately began to water and I wondered aloud if Walgreens were still open.
In hind sight this is a good thing. As a social worker I understand the process of change and how difficult it can be. I also understand that if change is not intrinsically motivated, you’re less likely to be successful. This is why “New Years Resolutions” usually don’t succeed.
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