Tomorrow may never come

Tomorrow may never come. It is important to make sure we are living our life today.

Since what my wife kindly refers to as “the incident” I have continued to spend time being reflective of my life and the impact which I have had in this world. I have experienced much gratitude secondary to some of the amazing teachers which I have had in my life. Some have been outspoken and others have been quiet, so much so one might not recognize their presence in this world

I became a social worker hoping I could be part of the process of change for the better for those individuals who have sought my council. Money, while important to some aspects of life, has never been a primary motivator. For this I am also grateful. I enjoy giving away as Jim Weigand once told me “pearls of wisdom without being the anchor around someone’s neck.” I feel I have achieved this goal and hope I have been as successful in this endeavor with my wife and children as I have with the clients with whom I have worked. God only knows on more than one occasion I had to ensure my value system  was in correct alignment to allow this to happen. There have been jobs which I have held, one for less than one year because on more than one occasion I have felt my value system so badly out of alignment it had begun to negatively impact my mental and physical health. Jim used to remind me of how easily the needle of a compass can swing away from one’s “true north,”

As more time and space is conjured between “the incident” and this current day, I continue to have others in my life who have continued to reach out with questions about my health and continued wishes for good health. Some of these people who while separated by great distances have ensured the survival of even the most basic of relationships. One of them, Jim who I had the luxury of spending many days for several years kayaking on Lake Champlain. Jim and I had the privilege of engaging in outdoor therapy with kids who had the misfortune of growing up in households where their parents struggled to keep their familial moral compass oriented toward a true North. Despite the several years and many miles since Jim and I spoke face-to-face, I recently received a text message from Jim. Jim shared he had also “been reflecting a lot about people who have meant a lot to me.” He completed the thought by adding “You made the list.” I paused and my eyes filled with tears. It is the times and statements such as these which cause me to stop, think and remind myself that I am a kind individual who does his best to ensure the needs of others are met. This is easy for me to forget.

Placing the needs of others before mine will ensure that my life remains out of balance and my true north is always out of reach.

Namaste

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Our Moral Compass is all Fucked-Up!

I saw something that disturbed me enough the other day that I felt the need to journal about it. My journal and what I write about in my journal is often the fodder for many of my posts.

As part of my job, I am required to be on-call for Crisis Services for one week approximately every other month. Late last night I was called to the home of a 16 y.o. who is home on a home visit with her family. The child, I call her that because that’s what she is. She’s not a “young adult.” She is a child, who had been allowed, based on my brief observation to do whatever it is she wants to do. This observation is based on the fact, that’s right, the fact that the therapeutic residence in which she has been placed for the previous 12-months had been unable to reach the child’s mother via the mother’s cell phone over the past 24-hours. The residence had been monitoring the child’s Facebook account. That’s right, the residence had been monitoring the child’s Facebook account. The child had made several statements on social media indicating her desire to engage in self-harm. Simply put, she had posted several statements indicating she had a desire to kill herself. I arrived with the police to find the parents totally oblivious…as it appeared to just about anything. I asked if there was a problem with the phone, the mother responded, “Oh, I didn’t know they were calling.” Perplexed, because I have and still use common sense, I asked where her phone was and she explained it was in her daughter’s possession. The same daughter using the same phone on which she was making posts on Facebook about self-harm. This is a head shaker for me. To many of you reading this, my head shaking is obvious, for those of you who it is not, why the Hell was this child allowed to have her mother’s phone, unchecked for the period of time which it was in her possession and why was her mother, knowing this behavior has been problematic for the past several years, at least not looking at the phone and its content? This is the parent’s responsibility not that of the treatment program.

There is/was no reason why when this child returned home for a home visit from her inpatient treatment provider, that she be allowed to keep in her possession the cell phone belonging to her mother. There is no reason why a large marijuana leaf should be allowed to be painted on the wall in her bedroom. By the way, it’s not “her room.” Neither of my kids had a room. I had two extra bedrooms in which they were allowed to live their lives when they lived in my house. They could decorate their rooms as long as they did not violate the simple norms of safety, respect, responsibility and being goal-directed. Call me old-fashioned or call me a parent who cares. The parent explained she “wanted to give her daughter her space.” Well, the parents of one of the Columbine shooters felt the same way. They chose to not go into their son’s room. Perhaps if they had, the ugliness that was Columbine would not have taken place.

I don’t understand this gender thing either. You are either male or female. Recently during a therapy session, I was told by an 18 y.o. she was a “Binary Unicorn.” What the Hell is that?! That doesn’t exist! This is what I mean by the lens of our moral compass being broken. We have developed into a society who feels people deserve the right to do exactly what they want to do regardless of the possible consequences. We are afraid to say anything to anybody because we might be violating their “safe space.” Recently I was in a coffee shop having lunch with a friend. It was Saturday so school was not in session. There was a table of four children who appeared to be no more than 12 or 13 who had become loud. Two of the children were making spitballs and spitting them through a straw at the ceiling. As their behavior grew louder and more aggravating, at least to me became more irritated by this behavior. No one, not even the management of the restaurant said anything. Finally, the manager of the restaurant did approach  their table and told them to “stop.” They laughed and the behavior continued. It took me calling the police to get these punks to stop.

I see every day the lack of respect for almost any type of authority. Especially with kids who feel they “deserve to be respected.” I was brought up understanding respect was earned and there were people in m,y life who received respect because they deserved it.

We need to fix this moral compass we have in this country!